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Posted by
zacharythax June 8, 2009 -
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THE INNOCENTS b/w(20th Century Fox, 61)
S: William Archibald, Truman Capote P/D: Jack Clayton There's some good scares in this classy, beautifully photographed (by Freddie Francis) and well acted adaptation of THE TURN OF THE SCREW. A rich single guy (Michael Redgrave) pawns off his two adopted orphan kids on to a governess (Deborah Kerr) in his remote estate where things turn gradually weird. Faces coming out of the darkness at windows, things moving, people appearing, or did you really see that? The previous governess killed herself after performing the bone dance with another hired hand and the new nanny's sexual repression gets all mixed up in it. The kids are alternately cryptic, bratty and creepy. The ending is surprising and downbeat. Filmed in England.
UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS (Screen Gems, 09) D: Patrick Tatopoulos P: Len Wiseman, Tom Rosenberg, Gary Lucchesi, Skip Williamson S: Len Wiseman, Danny McBride
Vampires vs. werewolves. How can you go wrong? Some fans were disappointed that Kate Beckinsale wasn't in this but I rather enjoyed this dark medieval fantasy of Nazi-like vampires in black leather who imprison werewolves. One guy who's only half-werewolf (Lucian) grows up to become a blacksmith, knows kung-fu, bones the vampire princess and leads a revolt. He's forced to wear a special collar that suppresses his ability to change, but there's a key to unlock it. Now that Paul Naschy is retired we're treated to a lot of CGI werewolves, transformation scenes, gore, crossbows and too pale bloodsuckers getting an unwelcome sunshine treatment. This is a prequel to the two previous UNDERWORLD films. Filmed in North Carolina and New Zealand. It was second only to PAUL BLART: MALL COP its opening weekend!
MYSTERY MEN (Univeral, 99) D: Kinka Usher S: Neil Cuthbert P: Lawrence Gordon, Lloyd Levin, Mike Richardson
In this age of super-serious superhero films nobody but me liked this big-budget spoof (?) based on some spinoff characters from FLAMING CARROT comics. Despite making $29.8 million in US box office gross (it cost $68 million) this was a box office flop but the humor is original and dead-on. Few of these guys actually have any super powers and no one seems to notice and/or care. It's more the concept of super-heroism as lifestyle choice, which was explored much more in-depth and in a much more serious manner in THE WATCHMEN. Greg Kinnear is the goofily arrogant Captain Amazing who's costume is covered in product endorsement patches like a NASCAR driver and rides in the back of a limo Paul Rubens is the Spleen who's only power is super flatulence. Hank Azaria throws silverware, Ben Stiller is Mr. Furious and William H. Macy is the Shoveller (with a black wife.) Jeannine Garofalo shows up at a pool party (guests include Dane Cook as the Waffler and PMS Avenger) with a cool looking skull in a bowling ball, Tom Waits is an inventor of incredible non-lethal weapons (like the blame thrower, don't ask!) and Artie Lange shows up as the leader of the Red-Eye gang. The quote "There's no use calling in the cavalry because as of this moment the cavalry's US!" is especially timely. I worked at an Italian chemical company with a guy who looked just like villain Casanova Frankenstein. Other bad guys are disco boys with guns. It all takes place in a BLADE RUNNER inspired near-future. From the director of the "Got Milk?" commercials. With Geoffrey Rush, Claire Forlani and Michael Bay
FRIDAY THE 13TH (Paramount, 09) D: Marcus Nispel P: Michael Bay, Andrew Form, Brad Fuller S: Damian Shannon, Mark Swift
Not exactly a remake, not exactly a sequel, Jason runs around in a cloth mask for half the running time slicing and dicing everyone he comes into contact with. Ears are chopped off, a girl is burned in her sleeping bag, knives pop out through the floor and through a dock into a hiding girl's head, throats are slit, etc. F13 does deliver on the ultra-violence and nudity (I was gonna say gratuitous nudity, but in one of these movies nudity is never gratuitous.) Most of the girls except one have fake breasts.T here's a field of pot, an obnoxious redneck with a wood chipper and everyone has SUV's, cell phones and a GPS (none of which work.) The token black guy jokes get a little tiresome It's a lot gorier than the sequels of the mid 80's but I miss the creative twists of the previous attempts to warn of the dangers of premarital sex like 3-D, the halfway house whodunnit, the MOTHER'S DAY-esque cretins, psychic powered girls, taking a cruise to Manhattan, going into outer space and duking it out with a monster from another franchise. The entire series can be summed up: I'm not getting laid and everybody else is and I'm very pissed off about it! It was the second highest grossing film in the F13 series. ($90 million worldwide) It cost a paltry $19 million to make. Think there's gonna be more? Paramount isn't stupid.
